Connections (Written in 2007, yet it seems somewhat fitting to share it once again at this moment in my life)
To me a connection is soulful.
It is the moment that two souls realize they share a bond, whether it is from the past or present.
I believe that small connections are made on a daily basis, and that these small moments shape our minutes, hours, days and lives. Yet we just don’t realize it at the time.
Our days are filled with noise, commotion, deadlines, stress and other mundane issues that insist on our attention. So who has the time to truly see the infinitesimal moments that help to create the energy of who we are.
Then there are the larger connections, the ones that we immediately realize will profoundly affect us in some way.
The electrical currents that run from one individual to another for reasons that we are unaware of.
When we unconsciously decide to share our self with another because we feel that magnetic pull.
Walls are slowly lowered, lives are spoken of, secrets revealed and emotions shared.
There are mental, spiritual, sexual and metaphysical connections that can be made with others. But what happens when all of these different aspects are present? What does it mean?
I once loved a man so deeply that I truly knew his thoughts or at least felt them. I was aware of his needs without him ever verbalizing them. I knew his presence from afar, even if my back were turned towards him (I could feel him and it (his energy) would cause me to momentarily stop breathing) I simply knew..
When he touched me, the entire world fell away and all I knew was a floating, warm sensation that enveloped me. I would melt ~
His voice, his breath, his scent, his touch; it’s all I knew.
And I was happy to know only these things, for somewhere inside I knew the beauty that we possessed ~ deep soul moving connection.
I realized recently that this is what I search for ~ a deep soul stirring fit.
Tonight at dinner with a friend we discussed this kind of spiritual relationship and I wondered aloud if it’s possible to find it again. Or are we destined to love only one individual this way in our lifetime? Are our souls meant to wander this life hoping to collide with a known energy? Should we settle for something that is less than soul stirring to feed other desires? Or are we better off simply living our lives on our own?
I long to feel alive again and breathe in the essence of another and know that easy just being feeling again.
I do not share, yield or love easily…
I have walls; Walls that have been built not to keep people out but to see who will have the courage to climb them so that they may get “inside”..
But will anyone have the courage, willingness and desire to do so? Will they crave the soft, sweet, swirling core of me enough to try?
I am patient.
Live my life with no expectations.
And surround myself with gentle silent faith ~