Life’s A Stage…

 

Stress.

The ugliest word in my vocabulary these days. 

I’m saturated with it lately.  So much so that it feels as if it’s seeping out of my pores. 

The past year has been decidedly exhausting and words can not express how much I long for a bit of a respite. 

Being extremely ill last Summer and the 11  or so months it took to heal to a certain point has robbed me of most of my energy. 

I just don’t feel like ‘me’ much these days. 

Maybe the problem is that I will never be the ‘before’ girl again.  But this is hard for me to fathom. 

Maybe if I stop swimming against the tide I’d feel more afloat.

It seems that I have an amazing ability to turn things off as well.  I believe it’s more like a life saving mode that switches on. 

It’s detaching.  

Funny, I still know all the things that are causing the distress,  but I no longer feel anything about them.  It’s as if I’ve turned off my emotions. 

Have you ever watched something from a distance?

Or possibly seen an event happen through a tunnel?

If so you’ll know what I’m speaking of.  

Sometimes I think that I should worry that I’m so detached.  But why? 

I wonder when I’ll return to the emotional me. 

Will the switch flip like a fuse that is reset?

And, if so, will emotions flood me? 

Will I find myself once again interested in emoting? 

Honestly I don’t know. 

Right now I am simply grateful that life seems like a movie.  

What will the lead actress do next? 

Will she kiss the man? 

Does she know who she is? 

Is the face cream really working? 

Will tears smear her mascara? 

When she laughs can others tell it’s hollow? 

To cry does she cut up onions before attempting a scene? 

If she looks 3D isn’t that enough?

Does it really matter?

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Life’s A Stage…

  1. ***Yes, of course it matters, to you more than anyone.

    If you are satisfied to walk through life without feeling, then there is no problem.

    We all have periods when we feel like we’re just phoning our lines in, without the benefit of 3D existence.

    Sorry to hear you’ve been ill. Long-term illness can be life-changing. Energy shifts. It’s possible that your change in energy is telling you something. The only way you can perceive that is to see yourself as if you’re standing outside of yourself. So you’re right on schedule.

    I’ve gone through that more than once. Life is an evolutionary process. Just when you think you’ve got stuff figured out or you’re riding along a path that seems perfect, it shifts again. Sometimes the things we want aren’t really the best thing we could have or achieve, or in our best interest.

    For me, personally, my wishes and desires exceed the capacity of the vehicle that will get me there. When that happens I have to ratchet down those wishes and adapt to the vehicle. Maybe that’s a little cryptic but it’s all I got today!

    • Cryptic is fine.

      *smile*

      I’m often this way myself, but usually not knowingly. Ha!

      Thank you for the wishes, I’m much better. I think I’m simply longing for some things that were. And, instead, I need to look for the things that will be and are.

      As for my change in energy, it’s telling me to get things done!

      ; )

      Cheers!

  2. Don’t we all wish for the wisdom of later years, and the facility of our youth… maybe it’s just me.

  3. To get “there” it’s all a matter of survival. Doesn’t matter how. It’s different for different people.

    I saw this on someone’s blog. Two dinosaurs standing by the edge of water and an ark is going away. The one dinosaur says, “Oh crap, was that today?”

    • Ha! I love that. Yep, it’s all about the survival. It’s not as bleak as it sounds. I tend to be very intense sometimes and last night was one of those ‘times’.

      Thanks for the smile.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s