Heart Light …

I’ve wondered lately if I cling to tightly to things past.

Can the now live up to the then?

Will I allow myself to love again? Ever? Do I place too much emphasis on what I had? Is it possible to find fulfillment again?

The heart’s a funny thing.  After a while it simply starts to petrify.  So much so that it makes using it difficult and somewhat painful. 

Is there honour in detachment?

Can one really escape pain by compartmentalizing? 

How many times can a heart-break before it’s irreparably damaged?

And, when we’re putting it back together after each heartache, are we missing little shards?  Without these shards is there a chink in the armour?

Isn’t it simpler to enjoy what others have to offer without expectation?

Isn’t expectation desire?

And doesn’t Buddha say that the key to happiness is to not be desirous of outcomes?

I sometimes feel like a paper doll.  Beautiful and mutable yet easily torn. 

It’s essential that paper dolls be handled gently and kept safely.  Not everyone is capable of handling such a doll without tearing it. 

So, here’s the question: How do you know when an individual is (capable)?

Can a hardened heart feel warmth again?

Will it ever ebb and flow as it did when life was new and disappointment was rare?

Where does one start?

Is it worth it?

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Amelie

“Amelie has no boyfriend. She tried once or twice, but the results were a letdown. Instead, she cultivates a taste for small pleasures: dipping her hand into sacks of grain… cracking crème brûlée with a teaspoon… and skipping stones at St. Martin’s Canal.”… “Time has changed nothing. Amelie still seeks solitude. She amuses herself with silly questions… about the world below… such as ‘how many couples are having an orgasm now?’… Fifteen!”

Carousel …

 

I love carousels!

There’s something a bit magical about them. 

As if just by stepping on to one you could somehow transport yourself to different lands.

I’ve always wanted a carousel horse of my very own.  I suppose it’s a little girls dream that hasn’t yet slipped away.  But not just any horse, one that is old, hand carved and filled with brilliant character.  One that vibrates with happy energy.  The kind that has been infused into the wood over the years by whimsical riders.

I spent the day today at the Atlantic, and the carousel you see above is from 1932.  The music that it plays is from an original Wurlitzer organ. 

It is magnificent!

The best part? All of the animals had names. 

Personally I preferred Norma, Lilian and Fella!