Tonight …

Tonight I feel lonely.

It’s as if I am floating in space. Untethered in the darkness. 

I long for strength, a warm touch, intimate laughter and understanding.  Yet all I find is an ever so silent night.

Funny how a girl such as myself could feel this way.  I have prided myself on being resistant to such things such as deep emotion, attachment and desire. 

All I want is the ability to reach inside the depths and find the power to once again compartmentalize.

I no longer wish to feel the ache of uncertainty or the pressure of wanting.  If only all of my feelings would crawl into the shadows once again.

I am ungrounded, without reassurance or the ability to truly make myself feel nothing.

The twinkling lights of the tree mock me as they sit silently judging.  Yet they know no loss.  I turn away.

Wait.

It is the only word I know at the moment. It pulses through my being.

Yet I know that it’s the wrong word.

There will be no waiting. 

For time marches on, lives continue, pleasures are met and the stars still shine brightly in the sky.

I must walk this path alone. Stumbling upon discarded branches along the way. Hoping to find a glimmer in the distance. Sooner, rather than later.

Tonight I am lonely. 

But if I wait the light will come.

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4 thoughts on “Tonight …

    • You’re very kind, MJ. Truly. I seem to be on a bit of a journey at the moment. And, I am glad that even a wee bit of what I share speaks to you.

      Merry Christmas, may it be blessed!

  1. Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.~ Orison Swett Marden obtained from Destiny Quotes

    • Lyka, you’re quite right. And, how apropos that you should choose this quote. I decided a day or two ago that I must have a new mantra:

      My destiny will be beautiful and fulfilling and joy will be my lover.

      Thank you for sharing. Merry Christmas!

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