Resolute.

Upon wishing me “Happy New Year” this morning, my mother proceeded to ask if I had any resolutions. My answer was “no”.  However, I’ve come to believe this is not the case. I do have one very important resolution – to thrive.

The dictionary defines thrive in this way:

Thrive

[thrahyv] Show IPA

verb (used without object), thrived or throve, thrived or, thriv·ing.

1.

to prosper; be fortunate or successful.
2.

to grow or develop vigorously; flourish: The children thrived in the country.
Origin:
1150–1200; Middle English thriven  < Old Norse thrīfast  to thrive, reflexive of thrīfa  to grasp
It feels as if I have simply been existing. And, I want more.
I long for vibrancy, electricity, passion and grand moments of exultation.
I want to know that every breath I take, from this moment on, means something.
Sadly, I’ve come to realize that life is much too short.
Within the blink of an eye, we’re suddenly older, or sicker or simply too tired to care.
I don’t want to wake up some day and realize that this magical ride known as life has simply been siphoned away.
I no longer want to let fear hold me back. Instead, I want to use the fear to vault into the unknown. Fear means you’re doing something right, right?  It means you’re stepping out of the comfort of the known and plotting a course into a realm of possibility. And yes, there’s always a bit of failure along the way, but it’s no longer okay to let setbacks rule my existence, or the journey I will make for myself.
So, I am resolute. I want to live, thoroughly, compassionately, passionately and fully.
This is my 2014 life resolution.
My new beginning.
And yes, I suddenly have the urge to say “Live long and prosper”.  I never said I wasn’t a Geek.
Cheers!

Notary.

Null and void.

No longer does she wait.

It was but a dream state, that felt like immersion in liquid amber.

Hot, sweet, and tangy, with a dash of salt.

Richly hued and imbued with tones of cotton candy, Crème Brûlée and swirling Sangria.

Now, simply a bowl filled with the remnants of water colours mixed together. Gently graying as each moment ticks by.

When the hues are gone, there will be nothing left.

And parted lips, that so longed to be next, will silently close.

Ending a very long chapter of the heart.

Tell me …

something I don’t know

make it delicious.

Tantalize with your words

and

spin a web of sin

so that I may catch myself in the silken threads.

Hold me close

whisper

sweet nothings

that mean everything.

Talk to me of the stars and their incandescence

whilst waltzing through a dream.

I want to know what it’s like to be entranced, entrenched and enchanted.

Please …

Hearts Desire

Image

It’s quiet now.

My mind, which races through the days

slows like molasses.

Darkness permeates the room

allowing me to float effortlessly

above myself.

No restraint, untethered and free.

sparkling bits of universal dust

drift about like fairy magic.

My heart says “make a wish”

Then suddenly, the word appears.

The letters are crisp and clean but with a softness about the edges.

Lover.

Re-entry into the body is gentle.

There is –

Stillness.

Knowledge

and

Desire.

Sometimes …

Sometimes the enormity of life, its lessons, sad moments, desires, wishes and realities just hits you. Somewhat like a pie in the face. And, when that happens there are many emotional responses.

Sadness. Finality. Rationalization. Grief. Existentialism. Hope.

It’s important to validate every salt filled liquid feeling that has drenched your soul.

You have earned the intensity.

But remember when the internalized storm has passed that the hope prevails.

Cling to it as if it were a life raft.

Don’t let go, for the harder you hold on the more it embeds itself into your being.

So tonight, although feeling somewhat lost in the swells, I see the hope manifesting itself as beautiful clouds floating above me.  Preparing to release bits of fluffy joy laden rain onto my lips and eyelids.

I remain ever grateful.

for my life. love of family. sweet puppy cuddles. friends and a bountiful future.

Hallelujah she exclaimed!

Why …

I sometimes wonder about the why’s of life.

Why do we let ourselves fall into an emotional life with some and not with others.

Why do relationships end?

Does it do any good to even try to figure such things out?

When love is forsaken how do you go on?

Does time heal all wounds, or do we heal them ourselves with time?

Where does the love go once it’s no longer shared?

Does it float gently into the ether and linger softly around us as spiritual dew?

Or does it permeate others who are in the new and lovely phase of knowing.

Pollinating souls …

What of the residue that lingers? Why does it do so?

And, how do we protect ourselves from repeating the pain again?

I am thoughtful, and it’s at times like this that I truly wish I knew the ‘why’ of it all.

If only the universe would share its secrets.

If only my heart could rise above …

rise.

rise.

rise.

Until all I feel is the wispy tendrils of clouds, as they curl lightly about me.

Why?

The Land of tears …

It is a place where we all must go alone.

Where we deal with loss without encumbrance’s and outside noise.

Where we lay ourselves down on a bed of soft, pink, sand and let the ocean of salt water tears wash over us.

Cleansing our souls and purifying our minds.

It is a secret place that can only be found when ones heart is truly feeling and open.

Vulnerability is a requirement, as is humility and gentle compassion for one’s self.

It’s where you go  to make things right.

So that you may, in the future, walk in the land of love once again.

The secrets whispered  through moist, teary, lips will float forever in this land.

And the word “almost” is the sentry…

 

(an older piece written in August of 2008)

Disenchanted …

In the midst of a deep existential detachment I suddenly felt a bit of a pang this evening.

It’s funny how this can happen.

It’s as if a sharp knife found its way into me,  and was, momentarily, working to make its way out.

A deep breath and a mental shake managed to wipe away all traces of emotion.

I find that it’s best this way.

Reserved and without cloying desire.

Life is much simpler when you manage to extract yourself from the mortal coil.

Allow the rational to lead and your hot glue gunned heart won’t hurt.

It’s really quite simple.

Or is it?

Signs …

Do you believe in signs?

Are there really any accidents in life?

Or does everything happen for a reason?

I have always believed that life was full of signs. 

And, if you followed them, they would lead you down the yellow brick road of happiness.

But it’s not always easy to decipher their true meaning. 

It’s only after an ending comes, or after we’ve traveled down the wrong fork in the road that we realize what the universe was trying to tell us.

Signs are not always a precursor to unhappiness or heartache.  They can portend beauty and blessings as well. 

Twice in my life I’ve been blessed with signs that let me know life would be full and beautiful. 

The first time was after a very difficult breakup. While walking my puppy on a cold Winter day, I suddenly came to an abrupt halt.  Looking down at my feet I noticed the most beautiful butterfly.  It’s colorful body lay lifeless, yet fully intact on the cold gray cement.  As I stooped to gently scoop it up, I noticed it’s perfection. Soft wings, knowing antennae and a gentle aura.  I realized at that very moment that this beautiful bit of nature was given to me.  A gift from the universe telling me that life would go on.  That no matter what the days ahead brought, I would survive.  Thrive even.  I placed the creature in a box and put it away for safe keeping. 

That was over 8 years ago and I still believe.

The second occurrence happened recently, during an extremely difficult time in my life.  It was a cold and somewhat dreary day.  I had just leashed up the pup for an afternoon walk when I came to a sudden, unexpected halt in the doorway.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain what stopped me.  But I immediately looked down at my front door mat and my eyes drifted to the most beautiful silvery blue and perfectly intact dragon-fly.  With gentle finger tips I lifted the delicate beauty and placed it into  a plastic box.  I realized that this bit of life had come to me to let me know that new and better things would touch my soul in the future. 

Dragonflies are a symbol of new life.  Just as the butterfly symbolizes change and evolution. 

Recently, numerous signs presented themselves to me.  But at the time of their coming I was unable to recognize them. 

But with that said,  I now know their meaning and thank the universe for its unending benevolence.

Take the time to see what is in front of you. 

Open your mind.

Listen to the wind, it will whisper its secrets.

Pay attention to the bluebird as it sits next to you on a bench.

Be heartfully open.

The answers are yours …