Null and void.

No longer does she wait.

It was but a dream state, that felt like immersion in liquid amber.

Hot, sweet, and tangy, with a dash of salt.

Richly hued and imbued with tones of cotton candy, Crème Brûlée and swirling Sangria.

Now, simply a bowl filled with the remnants of water colours mixed together. Gently graying as each moment ticks by.

When the hues are gone, there will be nothing left.

And parted lips, that so longed to be next, will silently close.

Ending a very long chapter of the heart.


I miss you.

Your words so crisp

intimate tones

the prospect of fingertip caressing moments.

When I think of you butterflies still erupt forth

fluttering their wings from the inside out.


It just takes time.

And timing is everything,

isn’t it?

Dispelling the dark …

Saturating my heart with sunshine

When I awoke this morning I felt as if a stone had taken residence inside my heart.

Heaviness residing  within its pulsating depths.

Dreams lingered – foggy and dense, polluting my clarity.

While desires knifed their way through.

A longing for tenderness, intimate and breathtaking permeated my being.

I wanted to be held.

But instead the world felt cold and unyielding.

Rather than hide away, I spent the day wandering Cypress shaded trails, while listening to the ocean waves crash against the shore.

And lost myself in little stores that felt like snippets of Wonderland.

Oh how I wish I had fallen down the rabbit hole.

There’s something restorative about the sea.

With each crashing wave came a cleansing breath from my soul.

I meandered and lost myself in a sunshine saturated Winter day.

Letting myself smile for no reason, other than the fact that life and freedom are lovely.

I picnicked in the sunshine by the shore and savored delicious fare.

And, during this day, I came to realize

I am unique.


life holds abundant delight.

I suppose the moral of the story is this:

Let the light in.

No matter how dense the darkness feels.

Sadness is acceptable.

There will be emotional moments in your life.

But don’t let them rob you of all the moments of beauty a day can hold.

If it itches don’t scratch …

I must clear my head.

I awoke this morning to a mind fuzzy with dreams of pain and loss, bits of yesterday and the longings of today.

In fact I suppose I could categorize myself as somewhat sad.

There is a slight feeling of need biting under my skin and it begs for touch.

My heart and head are raging a mini war with my soul and I don’t want to be a casualty caught in the cross fire.

It’s funny how this can happen, isn’t it?

I suppose it’s all a part of the healing process.

The new skin covering the old wounds is bound to get itchy now and again.

The important thing to remember is not to scratch.

If you do, you risk a tear …

Changes …

I feel expectant.

So much is rapidly changing (in my life) and I am literally holding on to the safety bar until the ride slows down.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s all rather grand! But there’s so much to do and be.

I am in the midst of boxing up my current home.

I am not moving until the end of May, but I am starting to relinquish the unnecessary now.

I believe I would rather live in a home filled with neatly stacked boxes, than be left to do everything at the end.

The boxes also remind me that I am leaving behind a place that dislike (both locale and emotionally).

I am moving forward into a life of physical health, spiritual peace and heart happiness.

I started my journey a few months ago, beginning with my physical health.

I no longer eat sugar, processed foods or red meat.  I have inserted organic when possible and won’t put a morsel into my mouth without knowing exactly what’s in it.  Now, lest you think this is an easy feat, it is not!

Quite the contrary.

But it has truly become much easier …

Spiritual happiness begins with meditation.

I find it’s one of the most balancing things I do.

When one is floating in a space between the walls of life one manages to let go of perpetual thoughts, negativity and unsavory feelings.

When you keep all of this bottled inside you’re bound to feel the effects, both physically and mentally.

Whenever I spend time centering myself I am left feeling as if I am in the palm of the universe.  Centered and cushioned from angst, doubt and fear.

As for the heart, surprisingly, it’s much more resilient than we think.

It seems that no matter how bruised it may become, this beating red mass regenerates, bit by bit.

With each breath, this life – love giving muscle mends the fissures and becomes stronger and so much wiser.

With that said, the heart never forgets.  Instead, it simply chooses to remember that which is beautiful. Sealing the beauty within each crack as they heal.

Letting go of the pain is necessary to move forward.

Excitement abounds about the future.

If you want happiness you must rewrite your story.

Start now and let life happen.

Take the path less traveled and let go.

Trust in a power that is higher than you.

Be brave.



And, enjoy the journey .

Seeing the light …

“The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.”

Henri Bergson


Never was there a truer statement. 

It’s funny how things can literally be right in front of our faces and  yet we are  still unable to recognize what we are seeing or experiencing.

I suppose it’s natures way of shielding us from the objectionable until we’re ready for the truth.

Life is odd.

That is my deep epiphany of the day.

Finally my eyes are wide open and yet I feel nothing. 

Nothing but cold hands and a somewhat existential feeling of detachment.

I have come to realize that I am not the enemy.

Nor am I a traitor.

What I am and have been is true. 

True to myself.

True to my heart.

True to affection and deep emotion.

All of these things make me:






And, most of all, loving.

 I have floated on a self-made river of liquid salt.   

But now I gaze upon its beauty from a vantage point upon the shore.

I am found.

Plans change …

It seems this adage is true:

 Plans can and do change.

It’s funny how easily we over look that this is the only thing constant in life.

 Whether we’re ready for it or not.

Our lives are swiftly tilting.

If  you don’t hold on you may slip right out of gravitational pull.

And who really wants that?

It’s difficult enough to maintain one’s balance on a daily basis, let alone try to regain footing completely.

Don’t you agree?

Perceptions …

Have you ever wondered how people see you? 

How you’re looked upon by the world?

How we’re perceived?

This evening while spending time with a close friend (my ex as well), I was surprised by an observation that he made. 

We were watching the movie “Must Love Dogs”, when the character Jake spoke of a woman. 

He described her this way:

“oh Charlie you should see this girl.  She’s shy, she’s fragile, she’s self-conscious. She has no idea how beautiful she is. She’s a mess. It’s fantastic.”

At which point my friend patted me on the arm and said “this sounds like someone I know” and smiled.  I was a bit taken a back.  I then asked “is this how you see me, really?”.  The answer a resounding “yes”.  

This slight moment seems to have catapulted me into a place of ‘who am I?’ And how exactly do others see me?

But seeing isn’t always knowing, is it? 

And, there’s something about being known that is slightly unnerving.  Yet, it’s also somewhat intriguing. 

My best friend says that I’m perfume, light and sweetness. 

But is that all they (the ubiquitous they) see?

Should I care?

I suppose the moral to this rather lengthy story is this:

No matter how hard we attempt to hide our vulnerabilities, sooner or later someone is going to get a peek at the inside.

For What It’s Worth…

Even if I took the time to say what is in my soul would it really matter?

Is cruelty inbred or learned?

Are butterflies truly free?

Can you kill with kindness? Shouldn’t we test the theory?

When a desire is exhaled on a breath where does it go?

If you could, would you touch me?

Do you know?

Is there a trail of salt left behind from the tears we cry?  If someone follows it, will it lead them to a rainbow?

When a song is no longer sung softly in the cool dark of night,  does its memory reside in one’s heart?  Or does it slowly dissipate into nothingness?

Would you know the difference between drops of rain and drops of tears when walking in the rain forest?

If you could say one thing, what would it be?

Do you remember everything?  Or will little bits and pieces of  the memories  fall through to the wrinkles,  never to be recalled again?

Are promises real?

If you break a promise do you break a heart?

Sometimes all you need is one word.  But what word would you choose?

Is everyone aware that words can never be forgotten?

Do you care?

A few …


Have you ever felt emotionally saturated? Where your mind and soul have simply reached capacity? Where you can’t conceive that anything else could possibly fit into the being that is you?

Have you ever been judged unfairly?

Do you ever wish that we could read each others minds, simply to know?

Have you ever been filled with words that you could not speak?

Do you ever make a wish and wake every day wondering if it has been granted?

Would you give of yourself if you knew you would receive nothing in return?

Do you ever regret words spoken, knowing that they (words) can be someday forgiven but never forgotten?

Will you go to sleep tonight sated?

Can you build a bridge where none exists?

Have you ever cried out in the night and not known why?

Do you recognize the face that stares back at you in the mirror?

Are you absolutely sure you’re right?