Resolute.

Upon wishing me “Happy New Year” this morning, my mother proceeded to ask if I had any resolutions. My answer was “no”.  However, I’ve come to believe this is not the case. I do have one very important resolution – to thrive.

The dictionary defines thrive in this way:

Thrive

[thrahyv] Show IPA

verb (used without object), thrived or throve, thrived or, thriv·ing.

1.

to prosper; be fortunate or successful.
2.

to grow or develop vigorously; flourish: The children thrived in the country.
Origin:
1150–1200; Middle English thriven  < Old Norse thrīfast  to thrive, reflexive of thrīfa  to grasp
It feels as if I have simply been existing. And, I want more.
I long for vibrancy, electricity, passion and grand moments of exultation.
I want to know that every breath I take, from this moment on, means something.
Sadly, I’ve come to realize that life is much too short.
Within the blink of an eye, we’re suddenly older, or sicker or simply too tired to care.
I don’t want to wake up some day and realize that this magical ride known as life has simply been siphoned away.
I no longer want to let fear hold me back. Instead, I want to use the fear to vault into the unknown. Fear means you’re doing something right, right?  It means you’re stepping out of the comfort of the known and plotting a course into a realm of possibility. And yes, there’s always a bit of failure along the way, but it’s no longer okay to let setbacks rule my existence, or the journey I will make for myself.
So, I am resolute. I want to live, thoroughly, compassionately, passionately and fully.
This is my 2014 life resolution.
My new beginning.
And yes, I suddenly have the urge to say “Live long and prosper”.  I never said I wasn’t a Geek.
Cheers!
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Connections (Written in 2007, yet it seems somewhat fitting to share it once again at this moment in my life)

To me a connection is soulful. 

It is the moment that two souls realize they share a bond, whether it is from the past or present.

I believe that small connections are made on a daily basis, and that these small moments shape our minutes, hours, days and lives.  Yet we just don’t realize it at the time. 

Our  days are filled with noise, commotion, deadlines, stress and other mundane issues that insist on our attention.  So who has the time to truly see the infinitesimal moments that help to create the energy of who we are.

Then there are the larger connections,  the ones that we immediately realize will profoundly affect us in some way. 

The electrical currents that run from one individual to another for reasons that we are unaware of. 

When we unconsciously decide to share our self with another because we feel that magnetic pull. 

Walls are slowly lowered, lives are spoken of, secrets revealed and emotions shared. 

There are mental, spiritual, sexual and metaphysical connections that can be made with others.  But what happens when all of these different aspects are present? What does it mean? 

I once loved a man so deeply that I truly knew his thoughts or at least felt them.  I was aware of his needs without him ever verbalizing them.  I knew his presence from afar, even if my back were turned towards him (I could feel him and it (his energy) would cause me to momentarily stop breathing) I simply knew..

When he touched me, the entire world fell away and all I knew was a floating, warm sensation that enveloped me.  I would melt ~

His voice, his breath, his scent, his touch; it’s all I knew. 

And I was happy to know only these things, for somewhere inside I knew the beauty that we possessed ~ deep soul moving connection.

I realized recently that this is what I search for  ~ a deep soul stirring fit. 

Tonight at dinner with a friend we discussed this kind of spiritual relationship and I wondered aloud if it’s possible to find it again.  Or are we destined to love only one individual this way in our lifetime? Are our souls meant to wander this life hoping to collide with a known energy? Should we settle for something that is less than soul stirring to feed other desires? Or are we better off simply living our lives on our own?

I long to feel alive again and breathe in the essence of another and know that easy just being feeling again.

I do not share, yield or love easily…

I have walls; Walls that have been built not to keep people out but to see who will have the courage to climb them so that they may get “inside”..

But will anyone have the courage, willingness and desire to do so?  Will they crave the soft, sweet, swirling core of me enough to try?

I am patient.

Live my life with no expectations.

And surround myself with gentle silent faith ~

Late night moments with oneself …

It’s late and I can’t sleep.

The softness of my bed is no help

instead it mocks my tired body and mind.

Check marks on invisible lists,

thoughts of new beginnings

and

other minutiae

keep me awake.

Lavender scented lotion,

smoothed gently into warm skin

promises relaxation –

yet here I sit.

What will tomorrow hold?

Is laughter the best medicine

for aching muscles?

Should I have papaya or banana for breakfast?

Does milk thistle really work?  Do others have trouble pronouncing thistle as well?

Is anyone thinking or dreaming of me as I write this?

Does it really matter?

When the flowers sleep do they dream of honeybees and dew?

Doesn’t it take two to Tango?

Will the soft secrets I whispered into the night find their way? Or will the leaves on the trees catch them mid-flight?

When I laugh does that mean I exist?

Is life really a bowl of cherries? And if so are they Ranier?

If I asked you what you were thinking would you tell me?

Why does a unicorn finger puppet make me smile?

Is it strange that I would rather dance with the devil than talk with an angel?

Do llamas really wear pajamas?

Should I stop thinking?

I think so …

If I write this all down will time finally stand still in my head?

Do you know?

Happiness is …

an iced decaf latte

warm sunshine

a pups smile

productivity

Wen hair (no, really, it is)

new beginnings

loving my body

sweet – juicy – organic pears

a long walk  …

(for starters)

Life is lovely.