Time spent wisely …

Moving is such tedious work. However, now and again you’ll find something worth looking at whilst packing.

This afternoon I found old pictures of my family.

It’s odd to think that at one time we all lived under one roof and called this place home. We were a unit – a whole.

How strange to think that at one time my parents were married and that I shared a bathroom with an older sister. It was a simpler time in some ways. I knew what to expect on a daily basis. I knew that when I woke every morning that I would do so to a house that was bustling with life, routine, laughter, wonderful pets and of course love.

When did everything change? How have the years passed so rapidly? When did i become an adult with adult responsibilities?

Time is strange, it usually feels as if it’s passing much too quickly. Yet it’s always the same.

There are moments, when I desperately long to recapture my youth. I want to sit quietly on a Saturday morning eating Apple Jacks while watching The Banana Splits on a great behemoth of a television. I long for the sweetness of our family dog and cats. I desire the simplicity that was childhood, even though at the time, it seemed anything but simplistic.

But don’t we all now and again?

So, I allow myself a bit of dwelling, and then I pull myself out of the reverie, with the thought that yes, sometimes being an adult is difficult. Then I walk to the kitchen, find a bit of cookie dough and eat it for dinner (something I would never have been allowed to do as a child). And once again all is right with the world.

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Know it all …

I know quite a bit.

I listen and take in (to some surprise) what most people say. Intimates, acquaintances and strangers alike. It’s simply a ‘thing’ with me.  I also tend to remember what is said, in detail. Another oddity, but quite true.

So, with that qualifier here is my question – is it important to press a matter when you know you’re right?

Should one let go even though they’re quite sure of what they’re speaking about if another simply refuses to listen or believe?

When does being right become detrimental to relationships, life, love and perhaps even sanity?

Most who know me will tell you that I am a ‘know it all’. And, it’s quite true. I’m the first to admit this. I’m also quite opinionated as well (this is rhetorical, so if you know me, there is NO need for response, capiche?).  But, my opinions stem from moments of truth, moral responsibility and particularly situations where dire consequences may come to play. It’s my personality. So sue me (okay, don’t really).

I am passionate, compassionate, outspoken and stubborn. All rolled up in a sweet flaky pastry shell.

Huh, am I making any sense?

At this point you’re more than likely trying to figure out what the point or moral of the story is. Right? Well, there truly isn’t one. I believe I am simply trying to put something into perspective within my mind and soul. And, of course, I would like to ultimately find the answer of how to let things go.

 

Ramblings on life …

Life is messy.

Full of emotions, desire, wants and needs.

It is gratuitous, beautiful, frightening and compelling.

Days pass, moments happen, love disappears, tears fall, passion kindles and laughter bubbles.

And through it all we remain ever hopeful.

Hopeful that we’ll meet our true love, feel passion, know are souls purpose, bring joy to others, make ends meet, continue to grow, retain good health, foster our faith and spirituality, and be understood …

Sometimes, it’s difficult to see through the thick haze of disappointment that envelops us.  But we must try. For beyond the haze is an enormous, sparkling, never-ending well of possibility.

It’s strange how we tend to analyze our lives more at certain times of the year.  Most specifically at the end of each year.  It’s when we tally up the good, the bad and the ugly. Giving ourselves a score, so to speak.  Did we achieve our goals? Was love found or lost? Did we grow older or simply old?

It’s the time of year when we take stock, make resolutions and invest in ourselves.

It’s newness enveloped in possibility.

So, as you look behind, make sure not too linger.  Keep moving forward and let your heart be grateful and light.

Happy (early) New Year!

Gratitude day 5 …

Pink.

It’s not just a colour but a feeling.

It’s happy, girl like and at times quite sparkly (or it simply elicits a feeling of sparkliness).

While out and about this evening I ran across an entire area devoted too the pink and precious.   One item in particular caught my attention: it was a pink ceramic poodle.  Why did it catch my attention? Because when I was very young my mother bought me a ‘sick prize’.  This was a gift given only when I or my sister had been under the weather.  One day after one illness or another my mother and I found ourselves in Swenson’s Ice Cream Parlour. And, in the midst of all the wonderful sweets and sparkling treasures I found mine – a small ceramic poodle that I named ‘Pink Puppy’.  To this day Pink Puppy resides not only in my heart but in my treasure box as well.  So, in honour of day 5’s moment of gratitude, I am grateful for all things pink, pretty, sparkly and somewhat princessy.  And of course, the memories of childhood, sweetness and delight.

All hail the p.i.n.k.

A Year …

A year ago this evening I felt as if I were on the edge of new beginning

a precipice of lovely warmth that called out to me.

My heart drew me forward

and

my soul accepted the challenge.

This was a gift I gave to myself.

Today marks the anniversary of change.

A change for good, although during the year there have been stumbles.

But for all intents and purposes I have picked my self up, dusted off and started all over again.

I seek adventure. love. passion. creativity and fulfillment.

Despite a somewhat pervasive feeling of bittersweet I still sense the pulsating change that is occurring deep within.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

I will celebrate life.

And, I will honour my strength, soulfulness, and deep determination to find that which my heart seeks.

I am grateful.

Thank you to all who have shown me love.  Past and present.  You stay within my being, always.  No matter where you go, I will always remember the sweetness that we shared.

New adventures lay ahead.

So I will let go of all that no longer serves me. But blessedly.

I am alive.

I am free.

My heart yearns, but at least it feels.

I believe.

Happy Birthday to me.

Buckle up and keep your hands inside the ride …

Sometimes, now and again I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror

and

I wonder,

who is that girl?

Drastic change comes with (or so I’ve been told) image crisis. I wouldn’t say I am exactly in ‘crisis’, but I would absolutely admit that there are times I’m not exactly sure who I am any longer.

So, every time I become a bit confused, I’ll simply reintroduce myself to me.

It will go something like this:

“Hello, you’re new around these parts aren’t you?” “Why yes, yes I am. It’s lovely to meet you, I’m Candice (and sometimes I even let others call me Candy. Although that’s rare).” Then I will smile and move along with my day. I sometimes feel it’s akin to ‘Fifty First Dates’, where the girl is introduced to her life and self, every morning. The only difference, there’s no brain damage affecting me, instead physical change and emotional growth.

I’ve decided the most important piece of this puzzle is the enjoyment factor.

So, I’ve entered the ride and fastened my seat belt. It’s time to hold on and squeal with glee (literally and figuratively).

Change. Health. Happiness. Fulfillment.

An E – ticket attraction if ever there was one.