Resolute.

Upon wishing me “Happy New Year” this morning, my mother proceeded to ask if I had any resolutions. My answer was “no”.  However, I’ve come to believe this is not the case. I do have one very important resolution – to thrive.

The dictionary defines thrive in this way:

Thrive

[thrahyv] Show IPA

verb (used without object), thrived or throve, thrived or, thriv·ing.

1.

to prosper; be fortunate or successful.
2.

to grow or develop vigorously; flourish: The children thrived in the country.
Origin:
1150–1200; Middle English thriven  < Old Norse thrīfast  to thrive, reflexive of thrīfa  to grasp
It feels as if I have simply been existing. And, I want more.
I long for vibrancy, electricity, passion and grand moments of exultation.
I want to know that every breath I take, from this moment on, means something.
Sadly, I’ve come to realize that life is much too short.
Within the blink of an eye, we’re suddenly older, or sicker or simply too tired to care.
I don’t want to wake up some day and realize that this magical ride known as life has simply been siphoned away.
I no longer want to let fear hold me back. Instead, I want to use the fear to vault into the unknown. Fear means you’re doing something right, right?  It means you’re stepping out of the comfort of the known and plotting a course into a realm of possibility. And yes, there’s always a bit of failure along the way, but it’s no longer okay to let setbacks rule my existence, or the journey I will make for myself.
So, I am resolute. I want to live, thoroughly, compassionately, passionately and fully.
This is my 2014 life resolution.
My new beginning.
And yes, I suddenly have the urge to say “Live long and prosper”.  I never said I wasn’t a Geek.
Cheers!

Auld Lang Syne

Image

It’s New Years Eve once again.

I am spending it quietly. Dinner at a quaint little Mexican restaurant with my parents, margarita included. And now cuddle time with the precious wee pup. I’ve never really been one for spectacular New Years Eve celebrations.  Last year I spent it in warm cookie monster pajama pants, sipping eggnog spiked with whiskey, whilst partaking in the yearly Twilight Zone marathon. It’s 8:36 pm and I’m still dressed, so I consider this quite the accomplishment. Not to worry though, as soon as I’m through writing this bit of fluff I fully intend to indulge in a bubble bath and the movie ‘Holiday’ with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn.

Oddly I’m not feeling quite as melancholy as I usually do on this night. I suppose that’s because I’ve finally come to realize that this isn’t the end of something, instead, it’s a beginning.  The chance to start fresh and write upon a blank slate.

I haven’t made too many resolutions. Just a few extraordinary ones sprinkled hither and thither, like fairy dust.

So, with that said, I’ll end this brief entry with a heartfelt wish of joy, laughter, love, peace, understanding and prosperity to you all.

Ramblings on life …

Life is messy.

Full of emotions, desire, wants and needs.

It is gratuitous, beautiful, frightening and compelling.

Days pass, moments happen, love disappears, tears fall, passion kindles and laughter bubbles.

And through it all we remain ever hopeful.

Hopeful that we’ll meet our true love, feel passion, know are souls purpose, bring joy to others, make ends meet, continue to grow, retain good health, foster our faith and spirituality, and be understood …

Sometimes, it’s difficult to see through the thick haze of disappointment that envelops us.  But we must try. For beyond the haze is an enormous, sparkling, never-ending well of possibility.

It’s strange how we tend to analyze our lives more at certain times of the year.  Most specifically at the end of each year.  It’s when we tally up the good, the bad and the ugly. Giving ourselves a score, so to speak.  Did we achieve our goals? Was love found or lost? Did we grow older or simply old?

It’s the time of year when we take stock, make resolutions and invest in ourselves.

It’s newness enveloped in possibility.

So, as you look behind, make sure not too linger.  Keep moving forward and let your heart be grateful and light.

Happy (early) New Year!

Gratitude day 5 …

Pink.

It’s not just a colour but a feeling.

It’s happy, girl like and at times quite sparkly (or it simply elicits a feeling of sparkliness).

While out and about this evening I ran across an entire area devoted too the pink and precious.   One item in particular caught my attention: it was a pink ceramic poodle.  Why did it catch my attention? Because when I was very young my mother bought me a ‘sick prize’.  This was a gift given only when I or my sister had been under the weather.  One day after one illness or another my mother and I found ourselves in Swenson’s Ice Cream Parlour. And, in the midst of all the wonderful sweets and sparkling treasures I found mine – a small ceramic poodle that I named ‘Pink Puppy’.  To this day Pink Puppy resides not only in my heart but in my treasure box as well.  So, in honour of day 5’s moment of gratitude, I am grateful for all things pink, pretty, sparkly and somewhat princessy.  And of course, the memories of childhood, sweetness and delight.

All hail the p.i.n.k.

Future moments …

I am self-satisfied!

I awoke this morning to a feeling of utter accomplishment

and happiness.

Not just the ordinary, something good happened, kind of happy.

Instead, a feeling that comes only from loving oneself and the understanding that

you’re on the right path.

There’s something jubilant that bubbles up from the soul.

It effervesces and attempts to escape through my pores.

A delightful excitement about the future – a knowing that one’s life is about

to burst open with flavor,  like a crackling pop rock on the tongue.

Happy …

My father …

I miss my father.

I’ve been thinking of him lately.

It’s odd really.

I have wondered recently what it would be like to talk to him about relationships and guys.

Strangely, we never did when I was growing up.

And now that he’s gone, it’s something I find I would really like to discuss.

Well that and the fascination that people have with football.

You see, my father loved the sport.  So much so that when I was growing up, my mother made him promise to spend one day a weekend with the family.  You may not think this would be much of a hardship, however to my father it was like being asked to donate an organ on a weekly basis.

I imagine that today would have made him very happy.  Even though his beloved 49er’s weren’t in the game.

It’s at times like this that I wish I could see his handsome face light up with child like excitement once more.

Michael (my father) loved life, holidays, Summer time, BBQ’s and so many other special things.

I realize that I am just 6 years younger than he was at his death.

He was much too young.

Alas …

Journey’s end …

Have you ever just felt happy?

For no apparent reason?

There is a feeling of warmth that permeates me at times.

It bubbles up from deep within.

A natural spring of joy and peace that saturates me.

Maybe it’s knowing that I can attempt to bring beauty into a new day.

A brand new canvas with nothing but endless possibilities.

Today was one of those days.

A rather regular day – without fanfare.

But special in the sense that I *felt* alive.

All too often we lose our way.

Focusing only on the outcome of life.

When in reality, what is truly important, are the seconds, minutes and hours and how we fill them.

So instead of making it about the end result I have chosen to be present for the journey.

Because in the end, it’s the uncharted moments that may truly mean the most.