What are you thinking she asks?
There is no answer. Only the silence that she has now come to know.
What happened to all the words?
It seems they were ripped violently from this plane
only to be absorbed by black matter that will never let them go.
Where is the laughter? Why has it died away? Were there no watering holes to fuel it’s liquid needs?
What of the tears?
They have dried and formed small hills of salt on the plains of her existence.
Where is the proof of lovely times past?
It has disappeared like invisible ink. Only to be seen again when acidic juice falls upon the pages. Revealing what was but is no longer.
What of the heart?
It wills upon itself scar tissue, in the hope of covering open wounds.
But it wasn’t all bad. Right?
Null and void.
No longer does she wait.
It was but a dream state, that felt like immersion in liquid amber.
Hot, sweet, and tangy, with a dash of salt.
Richly hued and imbued with tones of cotton candy, Crème Brûlée and swirling Sangria.
Now, simply a bowl filled with the remnants of water colours mixed together. Gently graying as each moment ticks by.
When the hues are gone, there will be nothing left.
And parted lips, that so longed to be next, will silently close.
Ending a very long chapter of the heart.
Would it be so wrong, if thoughts of me brought you to your knees?
What would it hurt, if my lips were your savior?
Would the world stop spinning on its axis, if the soft sweetness of my skin was your comfort?
Do you believe that my fingertips, trailing across your cheeks, could bring you peace?
Will you let me in?
It’s quiet now.
My mind, which races through the days
slows like molasses.
Darkness permeates the room
allowing me to float effortlessly
No restraint, untethered and free.
sparkling bits of universal dust
drift about like fairy magic.
My heart says “make a wish”
Then suddenly, the word appears.
The letters are crisp and clean but with a softness about the edges.
Re-entry into the body is gentle.
There is –
Believe in what is.
Believe in what was.
Believe in beauty.
Believe in the heart.
leave. (this life)
Too wrap your pup in Christmas lights.
But in all seriousness, this Christmas I wanted a lover to share it with. And, although that’s not in the cards, I realized that I still have an abundance of sweet love.
A puppy soul mate, Lulu the Princess Bean.
Fa La La La Laa!
Sometimes the enormity of life, its lessons, sad moments, desires, wishes and realities just hits you. Somewhat like a pie in the face. And, when that happens there are many emotional responses.
Sadness. Finality. Rationalization. Grief. Existentialism. Hope.
It’s important to validate every salt filled liquid feeling that has drenched your soul.
You have earned the intensity.
But remember when the internalized storm has passed that the hope prevails.
Cling to it as if it were a life raft.
Don’t let go, for the harder you hold on the more it embeds itself into your being.
So tonight, although feeling somewhat lost in the swells, I see the hope manifesting itself as beautiful clouds floating above me. Preparing to release bits of fluffy joy laden rain onto my lips and eyelids.
I remain ever grateful.
for my life. love of family. sweet puppy cuddles. friends and a bountiful future.
Hallelujah she exclaimed!