Sometimes …

Sometimes the enormity of life, its lessons, sad moments, desires, wishes and realities just hits you. Somewhat like a pie in the face. And, when that happens there are many emotional responses.

Sadness. Finality. Rationalization. Grief. Existentialism. Hope.

It’s important to validate every salt filled liquid feeling that has drenched your soul.

You have earned the intensity.

But remember when the internalized storm has passed that the hope prevails.

Cling to it as if it were a life raft.

Don’t let go, for the harder you hold on the more it embeds itself into your being.

So tonight, although feeling somewhat lost in the swells, I see the hope manifesting itself as beautiful clouds floating above me.  Preparing to release bits of fluffy joy laden rain onto my lips and eyelids.

I remain ever grateful.

for my life. love of family. sweet puppy cuddles. friends and a bountiful future.

Hallelujah she exclaimed!

Gratitude day 5 …

Pink.

It’s not just a colour but a feeling.

It’s happy, girl like and at times quite sparkly (or it simply elicits a feeling of sparkliness).

While out and about this evening I ran across an entire area devoted too the pink and precious.   One item in particular caught my attention: it was a pink ceramic poodle.  Why did it catch my attention? Because when I was very young my mother bought me a ‘sick prize’.  This was a gift given only when I or my sister had been under the weather.  One day after one illness or another my mother and I found ourselves in Swenson’s Ice Cream Parlour. And, in the midst of all the wonderful sweets and sparkling treasures I found mine – a small ceramic poodle that I named ‘Pink Puppy’.  To this day Pink Puppy resides not only in my heart but in my treasure box as well.  So, in honour of day 5’s moment of gratitude, I am grateful for all things pink, pretty, sparkly and somewhat princessy.  And of course, the memories of childhood, sweetness and delight.

All hail the p.i.n.k.

A Year …

A year ago this evening I felt as if I were on the edge of new beginning

a precipice of lovely warmth that called out to me.

My heart drew me forward

and

my soul accepted the challenge.

This was a gift I gave to myself.

Today marks the anniversary of change.

A change for good, although during the year there have been stumbles.

But for all intents and purposes I have picked my self up, dusted off and started all over again.

I seek adventure. love. passion. creativity and fulfillment.

Despite a somewhat pervasive feeling of bittersweet I still sense the pulsating change that is occurring deep within.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

I will celebrate life.

And, I will honour my strength, soulfulness, and deep determination to find that which my heart seeks.

I am grateful.

Thank you to all who have shown me love.  Past and present.  You stay within my being, always.  No matter where you go, I will always remember the sweetness that we shared.

New adventures lay ahead.

So I will let go of all that no longer serves me. But blessedly.

I am alive.

I am free.

My heart yearns, but at least it feels.

I believe.

Happy Birthday to me.

Eastern Heat …

It’s hot ..

The air is thick and pulsates with life.

One almost expects primordial ooze to begin flowing from the cracks in the sizzling pavement.

There is a damp, somewhat earthy scent to the air.

It’s as if the earths core energy has been released.

And, with each breath you take, you inhale bits of Ra’s soul.

I struggle to free myself from the Gods grasp

so that I may return once again to the cool, dark, deliciousness of inside.

Where the ever-present hum of whirred, cool air, offers blessed sanctuary and release.

Why …

I sometimes wonder about the why’s of life.

Why do we let ourselves fall into an emotional life with some and not with others.

Why do relationships end?

Does it do any good to even try to figure such things out?

When love is forsaken how do you go on?

Does time heal all wounds, or do we heal them ourselves with time?

Where does the love go once it’s no longer shared?

Does it float gently into the ether and linger softly around us as spiritual dew?

Or does it permeate others who are in the new and lovely phase of knowing.

Pollinating souls …

What of the residue that lingers? Why does it do so?

And, how do we protect ourselves from repeating the pain again?

I am thoughtful, and it’s at times like this that I truly wish I knew the ‘why’ of it all.

If only the universe would share its secrets.

If only my heart could rise above …

rise.

rise.

rise.

Until all I feel is the wispy tendrils of clouds, as they curl lightly about me.

Why?

It is the fear that moves me …

I am on the brink of change, a personal evolution of sorts.

The unknown calls to me, like a siren from the sea.

It beckons, and stirs life into my stagnated being.

Fear surrounds me, but, it is this very fear that motivates me.

There are times in our lives when we must jump into the uncharted darkness, blindfolded, and without hesitation.

In doing so, I believe it’s possible to truly find one’s raison d’être!

For to long I have felt as if existence was everything.  The day-to-day rituals that I once loved, now feel suffocating,  as if I’m being smothered by the banal.

Change is a funny thing, it can brew for years within your being without outlet.  And then one day, without warning, the churning, heated, fluid of life, fills you to the brim.  Your only recourse is to let it spew forth.  If you don’t you’ll drown, slow and agonizingly, from the inside out .

I no longer subscribe to ‘can not’.  Instead, I choose to embrace the positive forces of the universe.

A life not lived fully is a life squandered.

There will be no more waiting for the world to come to me.  Instead, I am reaching forward to grasp the unknown.

 

Sentimentality …

Sentimental pieces.

An unsent card –

receipts –

a

dancing ballerina –

memories of moments shared.

I don’t know what to do with them all.

Currently they reside in a neat pile

next to pink leather.

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like

to be heartless.

Without the inclination to keep happy – Summer windswept bits.

But if I was, would I be the same?

Not likely.

In the place of warmth

a

frosty maiden.

Cool and controlled.

In the next life?

Perhaps …