A Year …

A year ago this evening I felt as if I were on the edge of new beginning

a precipice of lovely warmth that called out to me.

My heart drew me forward

and

my soul accepted the challenge.

This was a gift I gave to myself.

Today marks the anniversary of change.

A change for good, although during the year there have been stumbles.

But for all intents and purposes I have picked my self up, dusted off and started all over again.

I seek adventure. love. passion. creativity and fulfillment.

Despite a somewhat pervasive feeling of bittersweet I still sense the pulsating change that is occurring deep within.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

I will celebrate life.

And, I will honour my strength, soulfulness, and deep determination to find that which my heart seeks.

I am grateful.

Thank you to all who have shown me love.  Past and present.  You stay within my being, always.  No matter where you go, I will always remember the sweetness that we shared.

New adventures lay ahead.

So I will let go of all that no longer serves me. But blessedly.

I am alive.

I am free.

My heart yearns, but at least it feels.

I believe.

Happy Birthday to me.

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Why …

I sometimes wonder about the why’s of life.

Why do we let ourselves fall into an emotional life with some and not with others.

Why do relationships end?

Does it do any good to even try to figure such things out?

When love is forsaken how do you go on?

Does time heal all wounds, or do we heal them ourselves with time?

Where does the love go once it’s no longer shared?

Does it float gently into the ether and linger softly around us as spiritual dew?

Or does it permeate others who are in the new and lovely phase of knowing.

Pollinating souls …

What of the residue that lingers? Why does it do so?

And, how do we protect ourselves from repeating the pain again?

I am thoughtful, and it’s at times like this that I truly wish I knew the ‘why’ of it all.

If only the universe would share its secrets.

If only my heart could rise above …

rise.

rise.

rise.

Until all I feel is the wispy tendrils of clouds, as they curl lightly about me.

Why?

Sentimentality …

Sentimental pieces.

An unsent card –

receipts –

a

dancing ballerina –

memories of moments shared.

I don’t know what to do with them all.

Currently they reside in a neat pile

next to pink leather.

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like

to be heartless.

Without the inclination to keep happy – Summer windswept bits.

But if I was, would I be the same?

Not likely.

In the place of warmth

a

frosty maiden.

Cool and controlled.

In the next life?

Perhaps …

When the spell breaks …

Oh how I wish that spells were never broken.

There’s something so spiritual about being with another while under a beautiful veil.

You.

Him.

No one else exists.

Breathless moments of intensity.

Words shared while leaning forward, hoping to simply become a part of another’s space.

Wishing that time would stand still.

I want to press my cheek against warm skin and simply be in that moment.

Forever.

But spells become broken and the coldness seeps in to dispel the fragrant warmth …