Connections (Written in 2007, yet it seems somewhat fitting to share it once again at this moment in my life)

To me a connection is soulful. 

It is the moment that two souls realize they share a bond, whether it is from the past or present.

I believe that small connections are made on a daily basis, and that these small moments shape our minutes, hours, days and lives.  Yet we just don’t realize it at the time. 

Our  days are filled with noise, commotion, deadlines, stress and other mundane issues that insist on our attention.  So who has the time to truly see the infinitesimal moments that help to create the energy of who we are.

Then there are the larger connections,  the ones that we immediately realize will profoundly affect us in some way. 

The electrical currents that run from one individual to another for reasons that we are unaware of. 

When we unconsciously decide to share our self with another because we feel that magnetic pull. 

Walls are slowly lowered, lives are spoken of, secrets revealed and emotions shared. 

There are mental, spiritual, sexual and metaphysical connections that can be made with others.  But what happens when all of these different aspects are present? What does it mean? 

I once loved a man so deeply that I truly knew his thoughts or at least felt them.  I was aware of his needs without him ever verbalizing them.  I knew his presence from afar, even if my back were turned towards him (I could feel him and it (his energy) would cause me to momentarily stop breathing) I simply knew..

When he touched me, the entire world fell away and all I knew was a floating, warm sensation that enveloped me.  I would melt ~

His voice, his breath, his scent, his touch; it’s all I knew. 

And I was happy to know only these things, for somewhere inside I knew the beauty that we possessed ~ deep soul moving connection.

I realized recently that this is what I search for  ~ a deep soul stirring fit. 

Tonight at dinner with a friend we discussed this kind of spiritual relationship and I wondered aloud if it’s possible to find it again.  Or are we destined to love only one individual this way in our lifetime? Are our souls meant to wander this life hoping to collide with a known energy? Should we settle for something that is less than soul stirring to feed other desires? Or are we better off simply living our lives on our own?

I long to feel alive again and breathe in the essence of another and know that easy just being feeling again.

I do not share, yield or love easily…

I have walls; Walls that have been built not to keep people out but to see who will have the courage to climb them so that they may get “inside”..

But will anyone have the courage, willingness and desire to do so?  Will they crave the soft, sweet, swirling core of me enough to try?

I am patient.

Live my life with no expectations.

And surround myself with gentle silent faith ~

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Ramblings on life …

Life is messy.

Full of emotions, desire, wants and needs.

It is gratuitous, beautiful, frightening and compelling.

Days pass, moments happen, love disappears, tears fall, passion kindles and laughter bubbles.

And through it all we remain ever hopeful.

Hopeful that we’ll meet our true love, feel passion, know are souls purpose, bring joy to others, make ends meet, continue to grow, retain good health, foster our faith and spirituality, and be understood …

Sometimes, it’s difficult to see through the thick haze of disappointment that envelops us.  But we must try. For beyond the haze is an enormous, sparkling, never-ending well of possibility.

It’s strange how we tend to analyze our lives more at certain times of the year.  Most specifically at the end of each year.  It’s when we tally up the good, the bad and the ugly. Giving ourselves a score, so to speak.  Did we achieve our goals? Was love found or lost? Did we grow older or simply old?

It’s the time of year when we take stock, make resolutions and invest in ourselves.

It’s newness enveloped in possibility.

So, as you look behind, make sure not too linger.  Keep moving forward and let your heart be grateful and light.

Happy (early) New Year!

Sometimes …

Sometimes the enormity of life, its lessons, sad moments, desires, wishes and realities just hits you. Somewhat like a pie in the face. And, when that happens there are many emotional responses.

Sadness. Finality. Rationalization. Grief. Existentialism. Hope.

It’s important to validate every salt filled liquid feeling that has drenched your soul.

You have earned the intensity.

But remember when the internalized storm has passed that the hope prevails.

Cling to it as if it were a life raft.

Don’t let go, for the harder you hold on the more it embeds itself into your being.

So tonight, although feeling somewhat lost in the swells, I see the hope manifesting itself as beautiful clouds floating above me.  Preparing to release bits of fluffy joy laden rain onto my lips and eyelids.

I remain ever grateful.

for my life. love of family. sweet puppy cuddles. friends and a bountiful future.

Hallelujah she exclaimed!

Gratitude – Day 1

 

 

I am grateful every day for the love of my Lulu. From the moment we laid eyes upon each other 9 years ago, I knew we were kindred spirits. She has been my silver lining and my heart. We are co-dependent and symbiotic, but ever so happy this way.

So, on this first day of Thanksgiving, I choose to share pure love.

Behold, HRH Lulu The Princess Bean.

A Summer Night …

It’s quiet.

The only sounds I hear are the chirping of the crickets night song and the roar of thunder.

Suddenly, as if the universe knows my hearts desire the rain has begun to fall steadily.

It’s music to my soul.

The hot, sultry day has turned into a cool, rain saturated evening.

It’s late and I should be sleeping, but the sirens call is intense and pulls me from my bed.

There’s something so magical about Summer nights.

They lead my imagination astray to romantic rendezvous, long forgotten lands and castles.

I am alone, yet the Earths tendrils wrap gently about my being, lulling me into a feeling of oneness with all.

A serendipity of entangled spirits.

Blessed peace

and

centered alignment

found in the recesses of the night.

Eastern Heat …

It’s hot ..

The air is thick and pulsates with life.

One almost expects primordial ooze to begin flowing from the cracks in the sizzling pavement.

There is a damp, somewhat earthy scent to the air.

It’s as if the earths core energy has been released.

And, with each breath you take, you inhale bits of Ra’s soul.

I struggle to free myself from the Gods grasp

so that I may return once again to the cool, dark, deliciousness of inside.

Where the ever-present hum of whirred, cool air, offers blessed sanctuary and release.