Late night moments with oneself …

It’s late and I can’t sleep.

The softness of my bed is no help

instead it mocks my tired body and mind.

Check marks on invisible lists,

thoughts of new beginnings

and

other minutiae

keep me awake.

Lavender scented lotion,

smoothed gently into warm skin

promises relaxation –

yet here I sit.

What will tomorrow hold?

Is laughter the best medicine

for aching muscles?

Should I have papaya or banana for breakfast?

Does milk thistle really work?  Do others have trouble pronouncing thistle as well?

Is anyone thinking or dreaming of me as I write this?

Does it really matter?

When the flowers sleep do they dream of honeybees and dew?

Doesn’t it take two to Tango?

Will the soft secrets I whispered into the night find their way? Or will the leaves on the trees catch them mid-flight?

When I laugh does that mean I exist?

Is life really a bowl of cherries? And if so are they Ranier?

If I asked you what you were thinking would you tell me?

Why does a unicorn finger puppet make me smile?

Is it strange that I would rather dance with the devil than talk with an angel?

Do llamas really wear pajamas?

Should I stop thinking?

I think so …

If I write this all down will time finally stand still in my head?

Do you know?

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Happiness is …

an iced decaf latte

warm sunshine

a pups smile

productivity

Wen hair (no, really, it is)

new beginnings

loving my body

sweet – juicy – organic pears

a long walk  …

(for starters)

Life is lovely.

Need …

I awoke this morning with ravenous need for –

sunshine, warm, saturating and all-encompassing.

sweetness, soft, genuine and endearing.

large expanses of wild flowers (to twirl within)

urgent kisses – to lose myself in.

Strong fingers entwined with my own.

laughter. deep and momentous.

a gentle hand on the small of my back. claiming – guiding – holding.

ripe strawberries – their juices drenching sensitive taste buds.

the smell of warm earth – ancient and alive.

a lover and a prince (strong and knightly)

passion – liquid and electric.

salty frothed oceanic waves wrapping themselves around my toes

a heartfelt connection (do these even exist anymore?)

glass slippers

a fairy god mother

inclusion

patience – (O please grant me patience.)

The knowing …

a crystal ball (I might even settle for an eight ball instead)

readiness

gracious interaction

and, of course,

Rainer Cherries.

The hunger continues  –

 

Dispelling the dark …

Saturating my heart with sunshine

When I awoke this morning I felt as if a stone had taken residence inside my heart.

Heaviness residing  within its pulsating depths.

Dreams lingered – foggy and dense, polluting my clarity.

While desires knifed their way through.

A longing for tenderness, intimate and breathtaking permeated my being.

I wanted to be held.

But instead the world felt cold and unyielding.

Rather than hide away, I spent the day wandering Cypress shaded trails, while listening to the ocean waves crash against the shore.

And lost myself in little stores that felt like snippets of Wonderland.

Oh how I wish I had fallen down the rabbit hole.

There’s something restorative about the sea.

With each crashing wave came a cleansing breath from my soul.

I meandered and lost myself in a sunshine saturated Winter day.

Letting myself smile for no reason, other than the fact that life and freedom are lovely.

I picnicked in the sunshine by the shore and savored delicious fare.

And, during this day, I came to realize

I am unique.

and

life holds abundant delight.

I suppose the moral of the story is this:

Let the light in.

No matter how dense the darkness feels.

Sadness is acceptable.

There will be emotional moments in your life.

But don’t let them rob you of all the moments of beauty a day can hold.