You’re not real.
(were you ever?)
Simply a figment of my imagination.
Something and someone conjured
during a time of vulnerability.
Now and again
I remember pieces of tangible.
filled with words of desire
seeping through to saturate gentle, curious, tongues .
And, what of the olfactory moments –
heated, cologne whispered, skin
left on sheets – so long ago laundered.
Bringing back your non-existent ways.
I collect bits and pieces.
Small shards of moments that I cherished.
Cake toppers and so much more.
Every bit, a reminder of a precious moment once lived joyfully.
I suppose you could say that I am a true romantic.
It seems I have always been this way.
When I was a child I would tape conversations. Knowing (somehow) that one day the voices of loved ones on the tape would be ever so important.
An old poetry book filled with tidbits of my life. Now placed inside an airtight bag for safe keeping.
A mickey mouse cookie missing one ear forever living a cold (yet warm memory) existence within my freezer.
I believe that every lovely experience has a place within my heart and mind.
So, I hold onto the tangible manifestations of all the love, laughter and life.
These moments have shaped and molded me soulfully into the person I am today.
My past is who I am
where I have been.
So, as I move forward into life, I will continue to gather small tokens that I find along the way.
And, they will eventually mingle with the past, adding a rich patina to a life lived.
Do you ever wonder if our souls know?
Do they know the ways of the universe?
Is the mystery of life locked away in a secret compartment known only to our subconscious selves?
Are our lives predestined or does free will overpower and allow us to change the course that has been set?
When we sleep do we let go?
Are we tethered to this plane yet allowed to float in other dimensions?
Are our dreams reality?
Memories of our past and the moments we experience while we drift in the ether?
Is love tangible?
Can you touch it?
Feel it with your fingertips?
Does the air hold emotion?
When we cry do our tears water a tiny secret garden beneath our feet?
When we sigh, are we exhaling our restless life force and inhaling molecules that are more peaceful?
If we’re very still can we feel the earth rotating on its axis?
Does ascension hurt?
Are kisses communication?
Do you know?
The air on the East Coast feels alive tonight.
The humidity is like quicksand, hot, heavy, damp and dangerously devious. It is thick and touchable. Tangible..
The watermelon that I ate this evening was crisp, light, cold and delectable.
With each bite I felt a smile work its way across my moist and slightly sticky lips.
How is it possible that something so slight and insignificant as a melon could impart such a feeling in a rather ordinary evening?
But then I wonder, is the melon truly insignificant?
Isn’t every breath we take made up of milliseconds and moments that become a memory?
Will I always remember this evenings watermelon?
More than likely yes.
Because it was tantalizing in its own, pink, sweet, juicy way.
Just like life!
I believe that love is undefinable, yet quite tangible when real.
It is when your soul is stirred by another.
It is the feeling of wanting to write down every word your lover speaks so that they (the words and emotions) will be burned forever into your being.
It is knowing someone from the inside out and accepting everything about them, the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly.
It is the desire to be filled and inflamed with another’s essence.
It conjures want, hot and desperate and soothes you to your depths.
As for finding love, I’ve learned that you can not. Instead, when you least expect it, love will find you. It’s the colliding of energies and of souls known..
I think everyone believes in love (no matter how jaded they may seem), for without it we are lost in a bland sea and with it we float upon the sublime.
With that said, I believe that one needs to guard their heart. Too many give this bit of beating, red, warmth away too easily. Sometimes, after we’ve been hurt enough, we (used universally) fear commitment. For once committed we are vulnerable and open to pain.
Love yourself, be with yourself, know who you are and what you want. And when it does find you, it will be all the more beautiful because you are self-aware…