Sentimentality …

Sentimental pieces.

An unsent card –

receipts –

a

dancing ballerina –

memories of moments shared.

I don’t know what to do with them all.

Currently they reside in a neat pile

next to pink leather.

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like

to be heartless.

Without the inclination to keep happy – Summer windswept bits.

But if I was, would I be the same?

Not likely.

In the place of warmth

a

frosty maiden.

Cool and controlled.

In the next life?

Perhaps …

Day of Birth …

Birthdays fill me with dread.

Existential angst, if you will.

A few questions come to mind:

Have  I accomplished any major goals? 

Am I further along now than I was a year ago? 

Is that a wrinkle forming in the corner of my eye?

Have I built up my karmic coins? 

Why haven’t  I fulfilled my destiny? The one I once knew about when the world was sparkly and brand new on the day of my birth. 

Have I lessened my carbon foot print? 

Did I contribute anything to the world? Beauty? Peace? 

Will I find what I’m looking for?  Do I even know what that is?

When did ballerina jewelry boxes become silly for an adult woman? 

Why can’t I remember ‘that’ feeling? The one of  utter joy and bliss when blowing out birthday candles on a pink iced cake. 

Will I be loved for who I am now and not for what I might become? 

Will ‘ROC’ skin products always be around? Or will I simply get lucky and find I have my Swedish grandmother’s ‘good’ genes? 

Why?

Where?

When? 

How?

5 days and counting …

A few …

 

Have you ever felt emotionally saturated? Where your mind and soul have simply reached capacity? Where you can’t conceive that anything else could possibly fit into the being that is you?

Have you ever been judged unfairly?

Do you ever wish that we could read each others minds, simply to know?

Have you ever been filled with words that you could not speak?

Do you ever make a wish and wake every day wondering if it has been granted?

Would you give of yourself if you knew you would receive nothing in return?

Do you ever regret words spoken, knowing that they (words) can be someday forgiven but never forgotten?

Will you go to sleep tonight sated?

Can you build a bridge where none exists?

Have you ever cried out in the night and not known why?

Do you recognize the face that stares back at you in the mirror?

Are you absolutely sure you’re right?

Thoughts On…

We as humans fall in love, co-habitate, procreate and share our lives with others, all under the guise of “love”.

But what is love?

If memory serves me correctly, love is a deep intensity one feels for another in their soul. 

It is the need to connect, create and share. A feeling so intense that we are blinded by the beauty.

It is the desire to open ourselves up,  mind, body and soul.  

It is subjective.  

However,  if it’s so beautiful, why do people fall out of love?  

In addition, when they no longer love, where does the love they felt for each other go?  

Does it simply dissolve slowly like sugar in water?  

Or does it float away into the ether, hoping to collide with other bits of discarded love?  To be recycled and used another time.

Why do some individuals stay together forever, while others gradually split apart? 

Thus, leaving the beauty that once was vibrant, faded and unused behind.

Is there a formula to make love work?

Is there a potion that will magically transform our lives into fairy tales?

Or are we fated to attempt ‘love’ over and over again?

I have often wondered if I will know what love feels like if it comes along again.  Or will I miss it because of my uncertainty?   

I no longer believe I know what “in love” is, how it happens or what it feels like. 

Or do I?  I honestly don’t know.  

What I do know is that I desire the beauty of deep abiding soulfulness and connectivity.   

But I am fearful.   

I Fear that love will end and I will once again be left wondering “where does love go”?