Time spent wisely …

Moving is such tedious work. However, now and again you’ll find something worth looking at whilst packing.

This afternoon I found old pictures of my family.

It’s odd to think that at one time we all lived under one roof and called this place home. We were a unit – a whole.

How strange to think that at one time my parents were married and that I shared a bathroom with an older sister. It was a simpler time in some ways. I knew what to expect on a daily basis. I knew that when I woke every morning that I would do so to a house that was bustling with life, routine, laughter, wonderful pets and of course love.

When did everything change? How have the years passed so rapidly? When did i become an adult with adult responsibilities?

Time is strange, it usually feels as if it’s passing much too quickly. Yet it’s always the same.

There are moments, when I desperately long to recapture my youth. I want to sit quietly on a Saturday morning eating Apple Jacks while watching The Banana Splits on a great behemoth of a television. I long for the sweetness of our family dog and cats. I desire the simplicity that was childhood, even though at the time, it seemed anything but simplistic.

But don’t we all now and again?

So, I allow myself a bit of dwelling, and then I pull myself out of the reverie, with the thought that yes, sometimes being an adult is difficult. Then I walk to the kitchen, find a bit of cookie dough and eat it for dinner (something I would never have been allowed to do as a child). And once again all is right with the world.

Seeing the light …

“The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.”

Henri Bergson

 

Never was there a truer statement. 

It’s funny how things can literally be right in front of our faces and  yet we are  still unable to recognize what we are seeing or experiencing.

I suppose it’s natures way of shielding us from the objectionable until we’re ready for the truth.

Life is odd.

That is my deep epiphany of the day.

Finally my eyes are wide open and yet I feel nothing. 

Nothing but cold hands and a somewhat existential feeling of detachment.

I have come to realize that I am not the enemy.

Nor am I a traitor.

What I am and have been is true. 

True to myself.

True to my heart.

True to affection and deep emotion.

All of these things make me:

Whole.

Desirable.

Compassionate.

Enough.

Forgiving.

And, most of all, loving.

 I have floated on a self-made river of liquid salt.   

But now I gaze upon its beauty from a vantage point upon the shore.

I am found.