Why …

I sometimes wonder about the why’s of life.

Why do we let ourselves fall into an emotional life with some and not with others.

Why do relationships end?

Does it do any good to even try to figure such things out?

When love is forsaken how do you go on?

Does time heal all wounds, or do we heal them ourselves with time?

Where does the love go once it’s no longer shared?

Does it float gently into the ether and linger softly around us as spiritual dew?

Or does it permeate others who are in the new and lovely phase of knowing.

Pollinating souls …

What of the residue that lingers? Why does it do so?

And, how do we protect ourselves from repeating the pain again?

I am thoughtful, and it’s at times like this that I truly wish I knew the ‘why’ of it all.

If only the universe would share its secrets.

If only my heart could rise above …

rise.

rise.

rise.

Until all I feel is the wispy tendrils of clouds, as they curl lightly about me.

Why?

Sentimentality …

Sentimental pieces.

An unsent card –

receipts –

a

dancing ballerina –

memories of moments shared.

I don’t know what to do with them all.

Currently they reside in a neat pile

next to pink leather.

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like

to be heartless.

Without the inclination to keep happy – Summer windswept bits.

But if I was, would I be the same?

Not likely.

In the place of warmth

a

frosty maiden.

Cool and controlled.

In the next life?

Perhaps …

Day of Birth …

Birthdays fill me with dread.

Existential angst, if you will.

A few questions come to mind:

Have  I accomplished any major goals? 

Am I further along now than I was a year ago? 

Is that a wrinkle forming in the corner of my eye?

Have I built up my karmic coins? 

Why haven’t  I fulfilled my destiny? The one I once knew about when the world was sparkly and brand new on the day of my birth. 

Have I lessened my carbon foot print? 

Did I contribute anything to the world? Beauty? Peace? 

Will I find what I’m looking for?  Do I even know what that is?

When did ballerina jewelry boxes become silly for an adult woman? 

Why can’t I remember ‘that’ feeling? The one of  utter joy and bliss when blowing out birthday candles on a pink iced cake. 

Will I be loved for who I am now and not for what I might become? 

Will ‘ROC’ skin products always be around? Or will I simply get lucky and find I have my Swedish grandmother’s ‘good’ genes? 

Why?

Where?

When? 

How?

5 days and counting …

In a moment …

Seasons change, days disappear and hours tick by.

And, with each moment I feel more adrift. 

It’s as if all that I once knew is now simply a faded dream. 

I’m afraid. 

Of change. 

The unknown. 

Heartache. 

Vulnerability.

So many things.

I miss my best friend. Car dancing.  Eating al fresco.  Silly Summertime antics by and in the pool.  Sun saturated skin.  Delicious martinis.  Super blonde streaked hair and the smell of roses in the morning…

I want to feel grounded. 

Where is my center?

Where did it go?

What cosmic – gravitational pull set me into this spin?

Will I ever know? 

Is it even important anymore? 

Shouldn’t I simply put it all aside and start fresh?  Out with the old and in with the new?

But hey, I’ve never really been that great with this thing called ‘change’…

Have you?

In The Still Of The Night …

It’s finally quiet.

Oh how I love nights silence.  The pure, undiluted beauty of the universe shines through when the sky is deep black and the stars are bright. 

My mind wanders and wonders …

Why are we here?

What is desire?

Is the answer to life’s questions buried deep within our subconscious?

Why is a peach sweet and a lemon sour?

Can we exist on a daily basis without knowing exactly what it is that we need? 

Will we be shunned if we share our deepest thoughts and ideas?

When doves coo are they whispering I love you?

Am I brave enough to really find out?

If you wear your heart on your sleeve will it catch a cold?

Are kisses a form of communication?

In the end will it have all been worth it?

What will I be remembered for?

Have I made a difference?

Why don’t doctors give out lolly pops to adults?

And the beat goes on …